Golden Globes
January 12, 2009
This seems to be the year of flesh toned dresses. But am I fond of them? Not particularly.
I have to admit, I’m digging the turquoise clutch Sandra Bullock’s carrying. The ring she’s matched to it is also cute. The tiers of her dress kind of remind me of a cake, although it’s not too awful. Salma Hayek, on the other hand, has gone for the flowy look. Her waist is absolutely minuscule! Whatever diet/exercise plan she’s on, I want it too.
Vanessa Hudgens and Beyonce remind me high school proms. V’s is very, very shiny. And her flesh-toned necklace just doesn’t work. B’s dress is so similar to the one this girl wore my junior year. She also had the thigh-high slit, the voluminousness, and the horizontal stripes across her abdomen. Almost three years later, I’m still not completely down with the stripes. It makes her look larger, which is saying something because Beyonce, while a girl with a booty, probably doesn’t have any stomach fat.
I put Miley beside Angelina because I just don’t like either of them. I feel like Miley woke up in Tennessee, looked in to her closet, and said “OMG I have lyke nothing 2 wear!”. And so she decided to channel Scarlett O’Hara and pull the golden flowered curtains off of the windows in the living room and make a dress. Angie, however, I’m sure had a pretty dress all planned out for the evening. I bet it didn’t look the least bit like the curtains hanging in her French chataeu. But since Maddox split paint on the train and Vivanne spit up on the bodice, poor Angelina just didn’t have a choice. She had simply had to pull the curtains off of the window and wear them. There was no way around it. Really.
Screw Stacy’s mom. Kate Beckinsale has got it goin’ on. Her dress is one of the few I actually like. The whole hour glass shape reminds me of a mermaid. Jane definitely doesn’t have it goin’ on, though. Someone has seemed to have cut off one of the straps on her dress. You can even see where it got cut off!
If it weren’t in that color, I’d be okay with Isla Fisher’s dress. I think it’d be prettier in a royal blue or emerald green. Eva Mendes is looking hot though. I wish she wasn’t carrying that jacket but the turquoise accessories are just beautiful.
Elizabeth Banks… just… no. I can barely tell that she’s wearing a dress–it’s THAT close to her skintone. And Demi Moore followed through with the prom theme Vanessa Hudgens and Beyonce began. Demi’s Prom Queen although her date seems to be a bit antsy.
I absolutely love America Ferrara. She’s cute; she’s feisty; she refused to give in to the anorexic style currently in among the elite. It pains me to dislike her dress. But I do, mostly because the way the fabric falls upon her… uh… bosom… makes her look like she tried on Madonna’s pointy bra. Amanda Seyfried’s dress, however, makes her look a bit heavier in the tum-tum than she actually is. I am certain that she, like Beyonce, is teensy in real life. But the way the fabric folds is making her seem bigger than she actually is.
The Best Flesh Toned Dress: Kate Beckinsale
The Worst Flesh Toned Dress: Angelina Jolie
The Worst Flesh Toned Dress: Angelina Jolie
Mary-Louise Parker and Jennifer Morrison look stunning. M-L’s braided shades of blue make her seem even skinnier than I’m sure she is. Jennifer Morrison, whom I absolutely adore on House, is wearing the same shade of blue I wore for my senior prom. And she looks infinitely better than me. Everything about her just looks perfect.
If the Golden Globes were broadcast on an episode of Gossip Girl, Blair would waltz up to Serena in one of her adorable headbands and just shake her head, slowly and sadly.
Blair: Honestly S, did you just wake up? In Brooklyn, of all places?
Serena: God B. I was with Dan.
Blair: I know you’re all down with being lovey dovey and poor but would it really hurt you to run a brush through your hair before showing up to a major award show? Let me have Dorota call someone for you.
Serena: But…
Blair: No S. And stand up straight. Bad posture is for the Humphreys. Haven’t you seen how Jenny’s been slouching all the time? And dear God, get Anne Hathaway to a tanning bed. Someone needs to tell her that looking like Snow Fright is just… no. Did she run out of sequins about half way through her dress? God, do I need to do everything for you people? Dorota!
Who is January Jones? A quick Google search reveals that she was in Mad Men, We Are Marshall, Dirty Dancing: Havanna Nights, Love Actually, and Anger Management. These are all shows/movies I’ve seen before. Which is why I’m baffled as to why I can’t remember her in a single thing. She’s just a pretty blonde with an asymmetrical dress to me. It’s just a dress I’m not completely in love with. The color is pretty. The shape reminds me of something Jane Jetson would wear to a party with George. Drew Barrymore, on the other hand, has literally just woken up. I mean, Kate Hudson was late to that last awards show. Why would Drew bother to show up with her hair actually done?
When I told my parents I was blogging about the Golden Globes, the first thing they told me to write about was the Flintstone-esque dress that Maggie Gyllenhaal was decked out in. All she’s missing is Pebble’s dinosaur bone headband and she’d be all set for the Rock Hop.
The Best Blue Dress: Jennifer Morrison
The Worst Blue Dress: Maggie Gyllenhaal.
Laura Dern and Rene Zellwegger. Both went the almost sheer route. And neither of them did it all too well. Laura seems to have attempted to be Laura Ingalls Wilder, only she forgot to put something on over the corset and petticoat. Really Laura. Mama Ingalls would be shocked!
Rene went in a different direction. As I’m writing this, I can only see the bottom of her dress. It’s adorable. But the top. Oh the top. Thank God Laura convinced Rene to borrow her spare corset before leaving.
Rene went in a different direction. As I’m writing this, I can only see the bottom of her dress. It’s adorable. But the top. Oh the top. Thank God Laura convinced Rene to borrow her spare corset before leaving.
“Keep looking up. Oh God, keep looking up. Why did my mother have to dress like a high-class hooker for the Golden Globes? Oh God, please let me keep looking up.” That’s what Susan Sarandon’s son seems to be thinking. Jennifer Carpenter is also staring decidedly away from her handsome date, who seems to be supporting all 92.5 lbs of her. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but his entire hand can hold her waist. She also seems to be suffering from the same problem as Jane Krakowski: someone came and cut the sleeves off her dress.
Susan Downey seems to have gone the same way as Vanessa Hudgens/Angelina Jolie with the household items as dresses. Only instead of ripping curtains off of the windows, she just cut up a black trash bag and pulled it on. Marisa Tomei might find it useful later on tonight when she’s back home on her pirate ship. I’m pretty sure black plastic trash bags can be used for plugging up holes or something.
Patrick Dempsey: Hahahaha, did you see how close you came to pulling a slip?
Tina Fey: Yeah! Hehe, I could have been as close to it as Evan Rachel Wood over there! You can see her bra!
Patrick Dempsey: Hahahhahahah, you said bra!
Heidi’s just adorable, even though I don’t really understand how a gigantic flower became fixed to her waist. Debra Messing seems to be wearing same dress as Sandra Bullock, only in black and with two sleeves. It saddens me to say that the dress doesn’t fare any better.
I am utterly psyched to see Revolutionary Road with Kate Winslet and Leonardo di Caprio. I have to admit, I’m a little bit in love with Leo. He’s just lovable. He’s the kind of guy you want to go see a play with because he’ll have amusing tidbits to share whilst you watch. And Kate would join in, noticing some little detail of perfection that everyone else missed. She’s just so elegant in everything she does. Even when she’s accepting an award and forgetting Angelina Jolie’s name. Lisa Eldenstein is wearing the same dress as Kate, only a bit more revealing. Her dress is partying it up on New Year’s Eve while Kate’s still having Christmas dinner.
The Best Black Dress: Kate Winslet
The Worst Black Dress: Susan Downey
Did you know Olivia Wilde is married to a prince? Seriously. The girl’s a princess. Which is why I can understand that she might want to go down the whole Disney Princess path in regards to dresses. But what I don’t understand is why she chose this particular type of dress, along with that makeup. She’s a beautiful girl but the way she looks just isn’t up to her best. You ought to see her in a pair of jeans on House. And then there’s Seth Rogen’s poor date. She doesn’t even have a name credit but here she is, getting ragged on by me for a hideous dress. There seems to have been a lot of random cutting of fabric on Golden Globes night. Her dress looks like someone took those scissors and cut up. Then, when Seth noticed the odd V shape, he insisted she add more fabric to the bottom. The end result? A messed up mesh up cake.
Hayden and Rumer were once friends, I think. Everyone in Hollywood was once friends. Zsa Zsa Gabor is Paris Hilton’s grandmother or something. It’s all in the family up there. Either way, Hayden and Rumer are looking good. Although Rumer may not have the prettiest face out there, her dress is just stunning.
The Best Purple Dress: Rumer Willis
The Worst Purple Dress: Olivia Wilde
In terms of favoritism, however, I definitely love Olivia much, much more than Rumer.
On the first season of Gossip Girl, little Jenny Humphreys got in major trouble for stealing her friend’s dress. Naturally, J fell from grace when her theft was discovered. Sally Field seems to have done the same thing, only instead of stealing from Jenny’s friend, Sally stole from the glorious closet of Blair Waldorf. That red dress, which Blair would wear as she sat in her room plotting dominance over the Upper East Side, seems much better suited for afternoon teas. When Blair finds out that Sally’s been snooping from her closet, she’d better ride, Sally, ride. Eva Longoria, who looks fantastic, can lend Sally her limo. That is, of course, if she feels like the Desperate Housewives can beat Blair Waldorf.
Cameron must have come to the Golden Globes with Drew Barrymore. Both of them have that “barely awake” look. I bet they spent the day surfing and then looked at the clock and went “Oops! Gotta run to the Golden Globes!” And so she did. In the bedsheet she used as a towel.
The Best Red Dress: Eva Longoria
The Worst Pink Dress: Cameron Diaz
The Jonas Brothers tend to be well-dressed. They have a fabulous stylist who makes sure they look good. Which is why I’m really curious as to why they decided to dress up like Mickey Rourke and wear shiny coats. The only one lacking in the shine department is Joe and he made up for it by pulling on a red shirt, much like Mickey’s. Maybe they’re trying to be Mickey Rourke?
Goodbye everyone! Buh-bye! Have a great night! No seriously, leave now. This isn’t like Cribs. You don’t have to spend hours waiting on me to give a witty goodbye. Just go! My arm’s getting tired of waving.
Goodbye everyone! Buh-bye! Have a great night! No seriously, leave now. This isn’t like Cribs. You don’t have to spend hours waiting on me to give a witty goodbye. Just go! My arm’s getting tired of waving.
Entry Filed under: Random. Tags: Fashion, I really like clothes, Let's go shopping, Money sucks.
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