I had promised myself I wouldn’t do this. It would never become a topic for my blog posting. But today I just… sorry. I have to do it.
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH GOSSIP GIRL?!?
Spoilers Ahead!!!
Okay, so I understood the whole Blair sleeping with Nate’s MILF’s son. That was awkward, yes, but understandable. Revenge is sweet and all that good stuff. And then Dan and Serena get back together and then break up and then back together. But then Serena dates Blair’s new step-brother, who mysteriously disappears after a while. All while Nate quits his whorish ways and settles down with Vanessa, of course only after making out with Jenny and a random Yale TA. I even went along with Dan’s dad and Serena’s mom having a kid together, even when the plot got more and more convoluted. I was okay with Lily adopting Chuck. It made sense.
What doesn’t make sense is Dan sleeping with a teacher. Granted she had supposedly quit at that time but uh… red flag alert! Let’s go through her train of thought.
Oh okay, look at me. I’m cute, young, and innocent. I’m even from the Midwest. That must make me extra naive. That’s why I’m going to be best friends with two of my students and hardcore bitchy to a different one. Yeah, that makes sense.
‘m starting my job towards the end of the year. So the seniors must be headed off to college. God, I remember that. It was what, five years ago? God I’m young. And hot. But more on that later.
I ought to be a bitch of a grader. Seriously, I remember my senior year. Who didn’t want to be graded tough? I sure did! So let’s be super strict on those grades.
Oh look! A good-looking senior is trying to chat me up while I’m friends with his girlfriend. Awww, how cute. I should definitely go to his dad’s gallery alone and awkwardly flirt, since he invited me and all. That’s not creepy.
Neither is meeting him up for lunch in randomly cute cafes. Or being awkward when his girlfriend, also my friend and student, shows up. Me and him, we’re just friends. He’s such a good writer. Being friends with students is all the rage. Only if they’re hot though.
That third kid, the one I hate? She sucks. Yeah sure she’s got the best GPA in the school and has been touted around as the school’s shining star. Screw that. I hate her and her paper sucks. Oh and we should institute a new policy. No phones. But I can meet with students whenever and wherever I want.
God, that stupid third kid just saw me with the cute senior. Ughhh. Oh well. Yeah, I’m being a bit flirtatious and all, running in to him and asking why he didn’t notice me but he’s so gosh-darn cute. I can say that because I’m from the Midwest and innocent, dontcha know?
STUPID STUPID STUPID GIRL. Why did she have to send Gossip Girl a story about me and my sexy senior? I mean really. What me and him do outside of school is no one’s business. We just meet to discuss writing. Honest. I should get her expelled for reading my mind. How did she know I’m actually in love with his sexy bod? She’s getting expelled. And then I’ll meet with my… student… to discuss the situation.
Oh and while discussing it I can tell him to call me in 5 years regarding having sex. Because then I won’t have been his teacher for five whole years! And he won’t be dating that pesky student-friend of mine.
Drat, his girlfriend saw him with his hand on my face and took a picture! What am I going to do? I guess I’ll just get fired. How does girlfriend know where I live though? To be able to apologize in person and all? Maybe she’ll tell my sexy student so he can come by too!
After I’m done guilt-tripping her about reporting a teacher-student relationship I should definitely have sex with her boyfriend. Of course he’s her ex by then but I don’t know that. As far as I know this under-aged student of mine is taken and I’m going to have mad wild sex with him after being fired from my job because everyone thought I had had sex with him but I didn’t yet. I just did now. Yeah. That all makes a ton of sense.
