Cheering Up The Guido Club with America Ferrara While Meeting Elves and a 14 Year Old Hot Guy

I recently discovered the beauty of blog stats. Can you believe I’ve been ignorant of this magic for so many years? Astounding. So to make up for lost time, I’ve been compulsively checking what people are searching to find me. I’ve decided to address some of these issues because I know that these topics must be left alone if people randomly find my blog.

“Guido club“, “Guido guys“, “Club guido“, and “Guido’s“

What is a guido club? Well, as I mentioned earlier, a guido is “a guy who works out way too much, wears muscle shirts, has his hair slicked back, and has problems forming a coherent sentence”. So I’m assuming you’re searching for a bunch of these fabulous guys. And guidos seem to be a very popular subject. One question. Why?

But then again, the same entry got hits for “clubs to hit people with“. I hope you found a good person whacking club. But don’t do a Google Image search for it because the images freak me out. And because I’ve already done one and you can just click here instead of wasting time typing it out. I’m so helpful. Oh yeah, violence is bad. Don’t forget!

“Sto Lat“

That’s a Polish song. Oh yeah, I know my songs. I could tell you a bunch of stuff about it but Wikipedia sums it up quite nicely. Which leads me to wonder, why would you bother searching even more if Wiki says it all so well?

“What does “debbie downing” mean?“

Debbie Downing means you’re being absolutely depressing. It means that everything sucks and the world should be painted black and the glass isn’t only half empty, it’s been spilled all over the carpet and it was red wine and the carpet’s white and it’s going to leave the most horrific stain that you’ll never be able to get out and when people come over they’ll judge you because, let’s face it, it’s a huge stain. It’s nearly as big as the stain you spilled on the hallway carpet, which is also unfortunately white, and that stain never faded because it’s printer ink. And when you tried to get it out, you ended up rubbing it in. Because you fail at life.

That’s Debbie Downing. Except run-on sentences aren’t required. They’re just more fun.

On the other side of the spectrum, we have

“Cheer me up“

That’s a little demanding, don’t you think? I mean really, how can I cheer you up if I’m so upset over a wine stain in my nice white carpet? Besides, I don’t even know you. You’re going to have to answer a few questions first.

Do you find this image cute?

How about this one?

(Courtesy of Cute Overload)

“Short poofy dresses“

How do you like this one?

(From Notte by Marchesa Strapless Organza Dress for $750)
Or this one?

(From Stella McCartney Strapless Silk Shantung Dress for $2,595)

Let me know if you want more. I can go on and on.

“Hot guy 14 years old” and “14 year old hot guy“

Um… yeah… I’m not really in to the 14 year old guy scene anymore. I kind of got over when, I don’t know, I stopped being 14. I’m now much more in to the 31 year olds. Or even the 45 year olds. 14? Not so much. I’m not really in to the whole Miley Cyrus and her 20 year old underwear model boyfriend. It’s kind of creepy. Especially because when I was 15 or 16 or however old she is, an 18 year old guy seemed ridiculously mature. At 19, I barely even consider 23 year olds to be on my radar (if you ignore my retarded crushes on unseemingly older men). So I hope that if you were searching for hot 14 year old guys, you turn out to be 14. Yeah, that’d make me feel much, much better.